glimpse of the silhouettes
by donutworry
Summary: She just wants to feel human again.


**AN:** Happy (late) Thanksgiving! This is porn - straight porn. Blame yourselves and those chats in Discord. Title from the song _A Little Death_ by The Neighbourhood. Anyway, super unbeta'd, so probably full of mistakes. I just wrote it, reread it in slight horror, then posted it.

 **TW:** Pegging. Like for real, Bonnie fucks Kai's ass, so if that's not your cup of tea...Femdom. Angst. (Ofc. Bonkai smut without angst? Not in my house). Brief mention of experimental gay Bon.

* * *

His tall figure had been slumped against her Prius when she burst outside. She doesn't even bother to wonder how he knew which car was hers. She just holds out a clawed fist and watches him crumple to the ground with a detached satisfaction. On his knees, Kai looks up at her, features twisted in pain. He holds out his own fist and mutters something.

It's like when he siphoned her, a quick burst of pain that snatches away her concentration and magic away. It infuriates Bonnie, to the point that she has blinders on when she marches up to him as he rises again. Her palm on his cheek takes her as much by surprise as it seems to take him. It stings, but Bonnie curls her fingers into a fist, not sure if she's preparing to strike him again or to hold herself in check.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" she snarls. He's caressing his reddening cheek, eyes distant and angry and wondering. "I warned you not to come around. I will -"

"Did that help?" Kai interrupts. He looks at her and Bonnie hates the height distance. It reminds her of the way he looked down on her when he stabbed her, the mocking quirk of his brows as he watched her fall.

"Hurting me?" he presses, taking a step forward. Bonnie moves away to maintain their distance. Kai in close quarters is dangerous.

"What?" his non-sequitur is irritating. "Help what?"

"You. Do you feel better, hurting me?"

Very suddenly, he's too close and Bonnie feels claustrophobic like she had in the rave, but it's only her and Kai in the empty lot. A whiff of his cologne makes her jerk back, stumbling.

"Stay away from me," she snaps. It comes out stronger than she expected it to, a command rather than a whimper.

And to her absolute astonishment, Kai freezes.

"I'm not - I just - I'm sorry," he stammers. He seems at a loss, and Bonnie would almost pity him, she really would, if she didn't know his true face.

"Fuck your apology," she replies. "Don't burden me with your guilt."

He seems to deflate at that, an almost hopeless expression on his face.

"I don't know how to do this, Bon," he says quietly. "I'm no good at this."

"Sounds like a personal problem. Get away from my car, I want to go home."

It's not enough. Kai is stubborn and patient. He waited almost twenty years to get out of the prison world and ruin his coven.

"Shouldn't you be in Portland?" she realizes. "Why are you even here?"

His guilty look her way is answer enough.

"Oh fuck off, Kai."

She decides she'll just run him over if he continues to be an obstacle. It had been a long, shitty night, and she was too tired for any more emotional battles. Marching forward, Bonnie pulls her keys out of her leather jacket. She's almost to the door when a strong grip snags her arm.

Kai must feel her flinch away, because he releases her immediately, hands up in surrender. Temper flaring again, Bonnie whirls to face him.

"What do you want?" she yells. "What's your fucking problem?"

"Hurt me," he blurts out. When Bonnie continues to glare at him incredulously, he fidgets back. Bonnie's never really seen Kai shirk away from her, from anything, and the realization that her outrage can make his guilt overwhelm him like that is heady.

"You don't - I mean," he pauses to organize his thoughts. "If you don't want my apology, revenge would be better right? I hurt you. I shot you with an arrow, locked you in a trunk, stabbed you."

His words are eerily reminiscent to what she shouted at Damon earlier, and it's with a chill that she suddenly knows Kai isn't here because he couldn't find a ride. He lingered because he overheard.

"I abandoned you," he finishes, glancing at her through his eyelashes. "Like everyone else has abandoned you."

She scoffs and turns away. "Get fucked, asshole."

"You can't get them back, right?" Kai calls after her. It gives her pause. "Because they're your friends? All you have?"

His footsteps are soft as he approaches. Part of her wants to turn around and brave him, face this demon she carted back from death. Another part of her wants to cover her head with her hands and pretend he's not real.

"I'm not your friend, right, Bon?" his voice is serpentine in her ear. "So hurt me instead. And I promise I'll leave you alone."

 **-o0o-**

It's madness. It must be. Kai makes a beast of her, an ugly, shameful thing she can't bear to see when faced with her reflection in his gaze.

It must have been insanity when she barked at him to get in the car after a beat of silence, to shut up as she drove them to her house. Kai, for once, stays his restless tongue, silent even when they step into her house and he looks around in curiosity. It was madness to bring him here.

Madness, dear and real, the only sure thing she's had since she clawed her way out of that prison world trap and saved herself.

It's almost offensive that Kai is right about this. She _is_ angry and resentful and she feels helpless for it. Bonnie loves her friends, but they take so much and return so little. Forgive her for wanting something of her own.

And Kai - Kai is offering to let her take as much as she wants.

There's uncertainty about them both as they stand in her quiet living room. Bonnie tries to come up with exactly how she'd like to hurt him, but all she can think of is Rebekah stinging Damon up and carving into him like a turkey dinner, the echo of Klaus's insidious taunts tempting her away from saving the younger vampire. Kai watches her steadily, like a dog awaiting a command, face carefully blank. His coat is almost like an armor, thick and black hiding him away, so Bonnie thinks she'll start there.

"Take your jacket off," she orders.

The siphoner is quick to obey, his fingers flying towards the buttons and undoing them almost hastily. He pauses briefly with the coat on one arm, glancing at her in question, still following her decree of "Don't fucking say anything to me, Kai" stated earlier.

"The couch," she nods at it and he tosses the garment there.

"Your shirt too. And your belt, give it to me."

He obeys.

Bonnie swallows, clenching the belt. The leather is warm from his body and the younger witch glances at the man before her. Half dressed, without his coat in the way, she can see the way his dick presses to his jeans - which are far too tight in her opinion - lurid in its presentation. His eagerness takes her by surprise, and she can't hide the angry condescension she feels about him _liking_ this. She stares at his erection in mild disgust, then looks back at his face, in time to catch Kai turning away to stare at the floor to his right.

He'd been watching her, had probably seen her reaction. Is he embarrassed, Bonnie wonders?

Isn't it humiliating? To want her so bad and know she can hardly stand him?

"I know," she says. "How I want to hurt you."

 **-o0o-**

He does like it.

When she briefly lifted her talking ban, he'd babbled a stream of conscious, eyes glazed over as he begged her to hit him again. So she did. Her rage with every tired stroke, a swing of outrage and jealousy and hurt. Abby. Elena. Jeremy. Caroline. Rudy. Matt. Tyler. Grams. Damon. Lucy. Klaus. Stefan. Kai.

 _Bonnie. Bonnie. Bonnie._

Each strike that welted Kai's skin red carried the name of a person that has hurt her, wronged her, fucked her over and left her without pause. She works her way through the laundry list, then cycles through it again, carving out her frustrations in the meat of Kai's figure

And Kai pleaded for it. Begged for her anger and the flagellation.

His belt on his flesh was beginning to sound too wet when she stops, chest heaving in exertion. Kai is slumped over, almost like in prayer, his back red and raised and slightly weeping. The lines of her anger startle her out of her haze. Kai lifts his head at her prolonged pause.

"Bonnie?" he asks. He sounds almost drunk, voice raw and slurred.

He makes for a wicked sight, one that sends a throb of heat through her body, from the roots of her scalp to her toes, settling most prominently at the vee of her legs. It's such a vivid sensation that it takes Bonnie by surprise: nothing has actually felt _real_ since the prison world. All too often, Bonnie finds herself wondering if this isn't all an elaborate escapist fantasy she dreamt up and her true reality is 1994.

Bonnie takes her own jacket off, temperature too high to keep it on. The raised skin on his back is alluring - she wonders if it will bruise, how long it will take her marks on Kai to fade. His marks on her never will. Stepping forward, she softly runs a finger up the notches of his spine, gathering up the sweat and small specks of blood coating it. Kai shudders as she draws the line.

Just a taste, she tells herself, slipping that finger into the cavern of her mouth. To see if this is real.

She hushes Kai when he calls out to her again, her decision made.

"Follow me," she tells him, walking towards the stairs.

"Where?" he's already rising to obey, swaying ever so slightly as moves to follow her.

"My room."

 **-o0o-**

She transfigures two bracelets into a pair of handcuffs and has him lie on the bed, the cotton sheets to his stinging skin.

He sighs softly, a grimace barely marring his face, but he raises his arms up obediently when she brings the handcuffs towards him. She is careful to avoid touching him, eyes carefully on his hands. Kai doesn't need to siphon to hurt her - his size and affinity for brute force are enough to overwhelm her if he wished it - but it is his ability to siphon that alarms her the most.

Kai is the only person she knows with the ability to completely dismantle her power with a mere touch.

He licks his lips when she clicks the second cuff in place, opening his mouth speak but Bonnie shoves his belt, wet with sweat, grief, and pain in his mouth.

"This is what you wanted right?" she smiles, all teeth that's more bite than anything friendly. "Not forgiveness. Just the chance to fuck me."

Kai's brow furrows and he leans forward. She pushes him back down and begins to strip.

"Don't move."

There's an instant pause in Kai's protestations. He seems almost transfixed, eyes focused on the slide of fabric as the dress descends her body.

"You get what you want," she tells him. With a flick of her fingers, his jeans drag themselves down his legs. His erection bobs, flush and demanding as she climbs over his lower stomach, facing away from him. She doesn't want to look at him and see her weakness in the way he watches her. For all that this is to hurt, Kai

"I get to exercise some anger. Then you'll go home to Portland and leave me the hell alone."

Grasping his length, Bonnie raises herself up and slides him inside of her. She's not wet enough and the invasion burns, hurting with friction and something else. It's everything they both deserve.

 **-o0o-**

A soft rattle of chains behind her gives Bonnie pause. Slowly, almost lazy, she tilts her hips forward, a smile gracing her lips when there's another gentle rattle and a sharp exhale.

"I thought I told you not to move?" she asks her quarry. There's a huff, like a chuckle, breathless and pleading and very sweet to her ears. "You're not very good at listening."

The chains sing again and Bonnie tilts her head back to observe the man bound beneath her. She clenches around the length of him she feels inside, watches the rise and fall of his chest, the way his eyes close and his jaw flexes around the belt she put there. His torso is slick with sweat, and he seems pained. Bonnie would almost pity him if it wasn't for the scar he gave her, defacing her bare chest, a livid, vivid reminder of all he's done to her.

Did he have pity, she wonders, when he graffitied her with his sadism?

"It's like you've never been fucked before," she murmurs. Bitterness overcomes her and she digs her nails into his thigh. "But surely, that's not true. I bet the moment you were back here, you found someone. While I was stuck in your prison world, serving your sentence for you."

Kai's eyes fly open again and he's looking at her the way he had earlier that night, at Caroline's rave, when he couldn't even get his fail of an apology out. She can't interpret it, how someone like him can look at her like that, like he had any true regret. Bonnie can't interpret it and therefore can't stand it.

She turns back to her task, feelings, and thoughts muddled. She can't decide if she hate-hates or love-hates Kai for the rush of sensation he elicits in her, and so, angered by her confusion, she picks up the pace of her hips and fucks him in earnest. It's as much punishment for her as for him.

A grunt rips itself from Kai, a stuttering, gutteral sound that echoes from his chest. The handcuff chains rattle again and she feels him brace himself against the bed, thrusting up to meet her. It's a mindless reaction on his part, a willful throw away of his earlier obedience. The motion sends a spike of true pleasure through Bonnie - not the sadistic satisfaction of earlier, but primal need. She bites back a whimper and squeezes her eyes shut

"Be still," Bonnie hisses. There's another metallic clink and Kai is wriggling too much to be listening to her. "Stop moving," she snaps, and a trill of fear plays through her. He's too close for comfort, especially if he's going rogue on his apology.

She should have known, Bonnie thinks. Kai's a sociopath, he doesn't -

"Shh," suddenly it's his voice in her ear and his hands run soothingly up her arms. It's weird to have him inside her, her body tensed anxiously from his hands on her, anticipating pain, but getting only awkward comfort. Something skims her neck and there's a puff of air by her ear, followed by a deep inhale. It's reminiscent of how he choked her in the car, the way he'd buried his face against her neck and freaking _sniffed_ her like some kind of creep.

"This wasn't the deal," Kai tells her. "You're supposed to hurt me, not yourself."

This is bullshit, she thinks, closing her eyes. They sting with unshed tears. Utter bullshit, how he can just pick apart her weaknesses and lay them out and force the confrontation on her.

 _Oh, look, the useless one is here._

"Shut up," she growls.

"Keep up the bargain," he snips back. "So what if I do want you, Bonnie? I don't want it like this. And if you won't keep up your end, I won't keep up mine."

The idea of Kai lingering in her life, especially after she's had him naked and wanton in her bed, makes Bonnie simultaneously blanch and hunger. His forehead rests against the back of hers and in the quiet, their breathing in tandem, it's almost too easy to forget what he's done.

Finally, Bonnie pulls away, pushing his arms off of her and twisting to face him. Their eyes catch and hold until Bonnie can't stand to keep up the contest. Her eyes fall to the belt beside him and an idea springs to mind.

Kai's got some messed up (and annoyingly accurate) idea that taking him into her body was her chosen method of self-mutilation. But he prostrates himself like letting her hurt him was no big deal, so maybe she could still take back the control she desperately needed to ward of the ennui that threatens her.

"Lay back then," she tells him. The siphoner scowls at her mulishly. "It's not what you think, okay? Just lay back and keep your hands to yourself."

 **-o0o-**

Kai finally flops down, a winced huff escaping him when Bonnie loses her temper and snaps at him. Obnoxious. She thinks it says a lot about him that he's always only eager to play when her irritation becomes hyper-focused on him.

He watches her with lazy curiosity as she roots around her dresser. Bonnie tries not to feel self-conscious about the way his gaze travels her naked body - it's only Kai, after all, he's nothing worth feeling embarrassed over because she. Doesn't. _Care_. What he thinks. Despite this, it's still impossible for her not to fret over her vulnerability near this man.

Finally, her hand finds what she seeks and she pulls it out with a feeling of triumph. Kai's eyebrows raise in surprise when he catches her admiring the length of silicon and the buckled straps hanging from it.

"What..." he begins, his tone dubious. "Wait, _why_ do you have that?"

Bonnie shrugs. "Experiments," she quips and leaves the rest to his imagination, opting instead to don the strap-on carefully.

If possible, Kai's eyebrows raise more, almost touching his hairline. He doesn't seem as apprehensive as she had hoped he would be, looking more intrigued than anything.

"Is this what I think it is?" Kai ponders aloud. "Because if it is, I didn't come prepared for this."

Bonnie shoots him an exasperated look as he keeps talking.

"Like, I try not to brag, but my dick is decent, right? That thing makes me nervous. I hope you're not just gonna shove it in dry, because this is my first time and would have liked to have, you know, a gentler atmosphere. Maybe some candles. A little wine. But no, you just whip it out unceremoniously. What kind of guy do you think I am?"

A sigh of exasperation leaves Bonnie as he stops talking.

"Do you want to keep going with this or not?"

"Obviously yes," he pouts. "But seriously," his gaze is suddenly serious, his annoying chatter fading away as he looks over her face. The somber expression makes Bonnie doubt her idea for a moment. Kai's too compliant, and she doesn't trust his cooperation, having been stung by him before.

"Be gentle with me," he ends and Bonnie can't tell if he's joking or being genuine.

She waves the bottle of lubricant she'd grabbed when he had been on a tangent.

"Open your legs," she orders. The siphoner complies.

 **-o0o-**

Despite herself, she is gentle. As much as she'd enjoyed watching the way his belt had flayed his skin, the idea of causing him anal tearing makes her almost hesitant to touch him. Which is ridiculous, considering they've never actually taken time for tenderness before.

Fingers slicked with lube she strokes the rim of his hole, shallowly delving a single digit into the warmth. For his part, Kai isn't doing anything to make it hard on her. He's fallen silent, quiet without her commanding him to be, eyes closed and body loose. His chest is flushing pink, rising and falling in a slow, even meter. He seems utterly relaxed and if he hadn't admitted earlier that he's never done anything like this before, she'd think he's more experienced than he let on.

"Luke was gay," she mutters to herself as an explanation. She thought it was low enough that he wouldn't hear her, but Kai chuckles.

"Luke topped, I'm pretty sure."

When she looks up at him, he's got his eyes open and he's watching her lazily. He winks when they lock gazes and in retaliation, Bonnie pushes the full length of her finger inside him, hilted to the knuckle.

Kai grunts and closes his eyes. His dick bobs heavily, swaying in its fullness. It hadn't been a lie, that his 'dick was decent' - more than decent, Bonnie can reluctantly admit. He's hot inside, the lube feeling almost like molten lava on her hand, the ringed muscles tightening around her finger. She can't tell if it hurts or not and freezes.

A breathless laugh escapes him. His legs fall open more, knees caging her waist.

"That all you got, Bonster?" he eggs.

 _I'm fine. Keep going_.

Her jaw clenches at the silent encouragement and she crooks her finger, seeking that place inside him, the magical and elusive male G-spot. His breath comes faster, but it's not until she adds a second finger to her search that she seems to hit the jackpot.

"Fuck," Kai grits, his hips bearing down on her hand. His cock is leaking like a faucet, so much pre-ejaculate collecting at the tip that it begins to run down the entire rigid length. His hand moves towards her suddenly and Bonnie almost flinches away. But he's reaching for himself, not her wrapping a large hand around the base of his cock and squeezing so hard, Bonnie almost thinks he's trying to rip it off.

She slows the motion of her fingers, rubbing gently.

"That all you can take?" she mocks.

His eyes slit open, looking black as the blue of his irises were almost completely overtaken by the pupil. She wonders just how much of her he can see and hates him a little because, no doubt, it's more than she wants him to. He strokes himself slowly, circling a thumb through the slickness at the head and rubbing it into himself.

"I'm good," he assures.

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Bonnie nods and adds a third finger, slicking him up with more lube as she does. He lets out a low whine at the new fullness and Bonnie has a sudden image of her entire hand swallowed by his greedy ass. It sends a rush of arousal through her so intense that the sudden wetness makes the straps at her pelvis rub against her uncomfortably.

Licking her lips, she stares down where he welcomes her, trying to recall all she learned in sex ed about anal elasticity and sensitivity. The skin of his rim is already turning puffy and pink and she's struck with the intrusive desire to put her mouth on it.

She follows through before she can stop herself, her head dipping and her tongue darting out to catch the edge of Kai's asshole just as her fingers pull almost all the way. It tastes like the artificial strawberries of the lube, and something musky and distinctively animal and Kai that she can't decide if she likes or not.

The loud expletive that exits Kai goes unnoticed by Bonnie ass she does it again, tag-teaming his ass with her hand and mouth, letting spit and lube slick him up and make that puffy, pink ring of muscle swell from new stimulation. It's only when Kai's hand grabs at her hair, pulling her head away from him that she notices his pleas to slow down.

"I'm gonna blow if you don't stop," he tells her and Bonnie growls, slapping his hand out of her hair. Surging forward, she slips the tip of his cock into her mouth and sucks harshly, pushing the fingers inside him farther, rubbing at the spot that lit him up before.

The noise he makes then is positively undistinguished and the rush of power that strikes Bonnie then is mean and gluttonous.

She lets his cock pop out of her mouth, and glares down at him, her arm pistoning her fingers in him. It's easier now, to get her hand inside and she pushes by adding a fourth finger. Her thumb rests against his scrotum and she rubs the globes of his balls with her thumb.

"You won't. I'm not done paying you back, Kai."

His gaze is hazy with lust as he stares down at her. A tongue wets his lips and a flash of white teeth greet her, a snarl more than a smile, all challenge.

"Are we going to start then?"

 **-o0o-**

The strap-on is obscenely wet with lube when she edges inside Kai. He's not as pliant as he had been when they first started to fuck, his body strung tight from the teasing and anticipation.

Bonnie's hands settle on the outside of each his thighs, her gaze darting from his face - eyes clenched, lips caught between teeth - and where the dildo slips into him, the way the rectal muscle lax and contract around the silicone inside of him.

His hands falter for a moment, rising toward her and then falling back down to grip at her sheets.

They tug the fabric roughly when Bonnie gives an experiment thrust.

"Ugh, fuck." Kai huffs. His eyes open, abysmally dark and Bonnie finds herself falling into them as he watches her watch him get fucked by her. Her breasts sway with each swing of her pelvis and Kai's hand falter again.

"Bon," he huffs. "Fuck, please Bonnie, c'mere. Let me touch you."

There's a moment of hesitation, an internal scream not to trust him, before she shifts her weight so that she is lying on top of him, arms braced around his head. Immediately, his legs come up and cage her waist, his hands roaming the length of her back, her neck, her breasts, scorching her with heat that wasn't painful at all.

It's a weird position to be in while in missionary. She'd always been in Kai's place and this role reversal is as power-tripping as it is humbling. It's an odd flip, to lead the pace of their coupling, to have a bigger and longer body quaking under her rather than boxing her in.

"Jesus," she grits and the man under her laughs breathlessly.

"Just Kai," he answers before rubbing his face against her shoulder.

His arms are longer than hers and he's able to reach down between them, wiggle his finger under the leather straps and rub circles against her aching clit. She chases the sensation, her thrusts growing wilder and rougher as her pelvis guides her towards absolution. His other hand cups her breast, rolling and rubbing a nipple between his fingers, his teeth blunt against the curve of her neck. He's muttering something, telling himself something she can't quite make out. It doesn't carry the rhythm or syllables of a spell chant, it seems more of a stuttered confession and so Bonnie pays his whispers little mind.

"-et me stay," is all she hears before an orgasm whites out her senses. Kai's hands move to grip her ass and he grinds down on the strap on, causing it to rub against her sex more mutedly than his hands had been on her. It eases her through her climax and pushes him towards his as the dildo jars his prostate and pushes him over the edge.

Streaks of cum paint both of their bellies white and Kai's hands squeeze her asscheeks sporadically before he runs them lightly up her sweat-dampened spine. It tickles and she shudders, moving away slightly. Her front is sticky with his release and she looks down at him, all flushed and fucked-out and something like awe strikes her because she did that.

She was the one to render him down like this.

Slowly, to drag out the sensation against his sensitive flesh, she pulls out of him with a wet plop. Already, she can see the stretch of his asshole, slightly gaping compared to how it had been before. Lightly, she traces it and Kai's whole body quivers, his cock twitching tiredly.

"Please, no," he slurs and throws an arm over his face. It's her turn to chuckle, the sound dark to her own ears.

"Does it hurt?" she queries.

Kai doesn't answer her for a long time. She's beginning to get annoyed that he might have fallen asleep, but then his voice projects lowly.

"More than I thought it would."


End file.
